I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
