no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
