she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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