Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
