My first STD was from a foam party
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
