Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize