omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
