I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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