I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
