also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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