dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
