is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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