Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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