Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
