Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
