I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sorry my hands just texted you
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
