from now on my penis is your penis
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize