When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
