You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
