Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
