I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
