I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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