If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Come on in and take your pants off
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