It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize