nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
