i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
