I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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