she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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