its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
