and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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