I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
