Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
