I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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