apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
home. puking in laundry basket.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
