What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
