Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
