I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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