WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
