So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize