So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
