Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
