I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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