I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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