Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
