i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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