You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
