So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
