how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
