He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
