I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
