Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
