im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
