Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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