I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drunk is not a location!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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