mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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