Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
