i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
