Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She bit a glass in half.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
