I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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