DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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