Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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