I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
