I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
