i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
