and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They took my balls.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
