we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We're too hungover to prance.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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