What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
