Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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