please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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