Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
