its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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